I think I need a step program. Maybe I need to attend meeting for people with addictions. Maybe I am in need of an intervention. I might even need a watchdog to look over every move I make. You see…. I am addict. I am an addicted to Foursquare.
Not the game played on asphalt that uses little squares and a big red playground ball. No. I’m talking about the app that you have on your mobile device. Foursquare is an app that allows you to “check in” to any type of venue, business, event, restaurant, attraction, museum, grassy meadow, pothole, or house on the planet. You get awarded points for checking in and then are pit against your social friends in a battle to see who is the busiest body in your circle. You can unlock badges, then different levels in the badges (example: I am a Level 5 Mexican food master) and then finally when you visit a place the most you become the mayor. I never thought about running for an office but obviously Foursquare thinks that I need to bring some sort of authority over to the Toy’s R Us near me.
It started out as something innocent…doesn’t it always? I checked in to a few places and kinda got a cool sense of that I was out on the town and contributing to the social atmosphere with my awesome check in’s. My wife then got the app and we started checking in together. We got extra points for checking in at the same time, going into the same places, returning together at places. Then I noticed that other people had visited some of the same places I had. Then…I noticed that they…stole…my…mayorship from me. I would not stand for this. They thought this was a game and I was not playing around.
I checked in everywhere I could. Night and day. I was getting obsessed. The more I checked in, the bigger the target got on my back. I was sick to my stomach at the thought of logging in and seeing how many red-numbered notifications I had of someone stealing a place from me, becoming mayor, or worse….a friend request of someone who undoubtedly would one day aspire to steal what I had won. Nothing is worse that to log in and see that your wife has stolen five mayorships in one trip to the mall.
I am doing better now. I don’t have to check in to places in my house like the couch, the bed, or even the attic just so I can hold on to mayorships much anymore. When I see someone checking in to one of my places I just put my phone away and daydream about smashing their phone with a sledgehammer.
Crystal and I just celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary together. We decided that this year we would not be exchanging gifts and thank goodness because that can be very stressful at times. We decided since most of all her travels are due to work and when I do travel I end up working the entire time and then back to the grind as soon as I get back home. Not a fun thing to do. Also, all of my other vacations have been filled with moving, house projects, saving endangered species (not really), and kid stuff. This concoction of family stuffage makes it really hard for me and the wifey to spend quality time with one another…not THAT quality time. Well…maybe it’s included in there somewhere. ANYWAAAAYs…..we had to decide where we wanted to go on a getaway/vacation/anniversary celebration and agree on it.
We knew that the cold months were coming up soon and Crystal didn’t want to have to be miserable any quicker than she has to be so an Alaskan getaway was off the table. We thought about going to a far away tropical destination like Hawaii and staying somewhere like the Hanalei Bay Resort to where it has the comforts of home but she dreaded the plane ride while having a fetus along for the ride. It then donned on us that we could do the exact same thing we did on our original honeymoon…a cruise.
A cruise was the logical answer for the both of us to go on. No schedules, people waiting hand and foot on you, and of course all you can eat everything! We took a Carnival cruise and sailed to Cozumel and the Yucatan Peninsula on a five day ride on the ocean. It was the best bang for our buck because it was really economical and everything was included! We relaxed on the boat the entire time! We only got off at the Yucatan for 10 minutes and then spent a few hours in Cozumel walking around the city. We couldn’t have the pregnant lady away from the buffets that long!
It’s one of those things that happen to many of us. We head out on a trip or vacation and think we have everything we need to have a stress free and flawless vacation. Then we get to our destination and found out we couldn’t have been more wrong.
We were set to head out for our trip to NYC on Wednesday morning and whilst packing the night before I also tackled some much needed “to be put away” laundry items. We pack, we leave, we arrive in NYC. I unpack (because I like to feel at home) and I notice that I only have one pair of underwear in my suitcase. Not good. I had unknowingly put all the undies away that I needed for the trip while doing the laundry.
So the hunt was on. My wife Crystal and I started scouring Times Square to find my undies fix (that doesn’t sound weird at all). We checked seven different stores and came to one single conclusion… dudes must not wear regular underwear in New York City.
I’m not talking boxers, mid-rise boxers, or even anything else. I needed regular old briefs. When I asked many people they replied “whitey tighties?” and I responded with “yes…but they can be other colors…” and then they knew more about me than anyone else shopping there all day. See, I think regular underwear gets a bad rap sometimes.
Most guys grow up going from diapers, to little boy undies, to even really cool Underoo’s, and then at some point you could choose some other styles. Not EVERYONE chooses boxers! Likewise, I don’t hate on those that don’t wear briefs. I am all for equal rights when it comes to whats under your tights.
So, after moving through all of these stores in Times Square my wife just told me to pick something up. I searched and settled on some hybrid of them all. The low rise boxer brief. A imalgimation of all under-types. It was a very comfortable experience after that. But…I still did want to scream at the top of my lungs like Russell Crowe in Gladiator where he says “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?!” My exclamation would have been a bit different though screaming “HAVE YOU NOT REGULAR UNDIES!?!”