Foursquare Rehab


I think I need a step program. Maybe I need to attend meeting for people with addictions. Maybe I am in need of an intervention. I might even need a watchdog to look over every move I make. You see…. I am addict. I am an addicted to Foursquare.

Not the game played on asphalt that uses little squares and a big red playground ball. No. I’m talking about the app that you have on your mobile device. Foursquare is an app that allows you to “check in” to any type of venue, business, event, restaurant, attraction, museum, grassy meadow, pothole, or house on the planet. You get awarded points for checking in and then are pit against your social friends in a battle to see who is the busiest body in your circle. You can unlock badges, then different levels in the badges (example: I am a Level 5 Mexican food master) and then finally when you visit a place the most you become the mayor. I never thought about running for an office but obviously Foursquare thinks that I need to bring some sort of authority over to the Toy’s R Us near me.

It started out as something innocent…doesn’t it always? I checked in to a few places and kinda got a cool sense of that I was out on the town and contributing to the social atmosphere with my awesome check in’s. My wife then got the app and we started checking in together. We got extra points for checking in at the same time, going into the same places, returning together at places. Then I noticed that other people had visited some of the same places I had. Then…I noticed that they…stole…my…mayorship from me. I would not stand for this. They thought this was a game and I was not playing around.

I checked in everywhere I could. Night and day. I was getting obsessed. The more I checked in, the bigger the target got on my back. I was sick to my stomach at the thought of logging in and seeing how many red-numbered notifications I had of someone stealing a place from me, becoming mayor, or worse….a friend request of someone who undoubtedly would one day aspire to steal what I had won. Nothing is worse that to log in and see that your wife has stolen five mayorships in one trip to the mall.

I am doing better now. I don’t have to check in to places in my house like the couch, the bed, or even the attic just so I can hold on to mayorships much anymore. When I see someone checking in to one of my places I just put my phone away and daydream about smashing their phone with a sledgehammer.


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